Ed always had the words while I often exploded the emotions. Our long-planned remodel is moving forward, and our old refrigerator has to go but I can’t handle losing his words on the door, those he placed himself. I have a box of all the cards he wrote me over our 52 plus years together, and I will have photos of his words from the refrigerator but his physical placement of the words will be gone.

The loved ones we call the dead

depart from us and for a while
are absent. And then as if
called back by our love, they come
near us again. They enter our dreams.
We feel they have been near us
when we have not thought of them.
They are simply here, simply waiting
while we are distracted among
our obligations. At last
it comes to us: They live now
in the permanent world.
We are the absent ones.

 

I grew up very shy, and definitely not trusting others. Fortunately, I met a man who demonstrated over and over again his loyalty, and daily expressed his love for me. We were together, almost fifty-two years, in good times, and more difficult times. I was lucky!

 "When I Get Where I'm Going"

(feat. Dolly Parton) Writer(s): Melvern Rivers Rutherford Ii, George G. Teren Iii

Ed expressed a calmness about dying in his last weeks.He lived and died embracing his faith.

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

[Chorus]
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

[Repeat chorus]

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going

 Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do, once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty, except for the memory of how
They were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do, once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go through the time with

 Being part of a couple, a partnership, having companionship, all that we had for over fifty years, now gone except for memories. Monday, August 17, our Anniversary date will be hard.

 

Yesterday, a loving group of family and friends helped me celebrate Ed's life in the place where he built our passive solar home, and we raised our two wonderful sons. I miss Ed so much, but I treasure the memories. Our wedding song was Jim Croce's Time in a Bottle. We had 53 plus years of friendship and love but I still wanted more! Love you Ed. 

 "In Memoriam" by William Morecomb

For a second you were flying
Like you always wanted to
Now you’ll fly forever
In skies of azure blue
We’ll see your smile in every ray
Of sunshine after rain
And hear the echo of your laughter
Over all the pain
The world’s a little quieter now
The colours have lost their hue
The birds are singing softly
And our hearts are missing you
Each time we see a little cloud
Or a rainbow soaring high
We’ll think of you and gently
Wipe a tear from our eye.

 

1. "Grief" by Barbara Crooker
   is a river you wade in until you get to the other side.
   But I am here, stuck in the middle, water parting
   around my ankles, moving downstream
   over the flat rocks. I'm not able to lift a foot,
   move on. Instead, I'm going to stay here
   in the shallows with my sorrow, nurture it
   like a cranky baby, rock it in my arms.
   I don't want it to grow up, go to school, get married.
   It's mine. Yes, the October sunlight wraps me
   in its yellow shawl, and the air is sweet
   as a golden Tokay. On the other side,
   there are apples, grapes, walnuts,
   and the rocks are warm from the sun.
   But I'm going to stand here,
   growing colder, until every inch
   of my skin is numb. I can't cross over.
   Then you really will be gone.^[7]